an outing

a few days ago, I was getting back from sobo and my options were the metro or train.

9 pm on a sunday. typically I'd pick the metro since it's safer, emptier, and bonus, it's air-conditioned.

the mumbai local is an unpredictable place. you never know when you’re going to see a sight that warms your heart or be involved in a deeply horrible incident which may scar you for life.

but, somehow when I'm feeling down or in a not-so-ideal mood, it's the railway station that brings me comfort. the ladies’ dabba in particular. a space where you can simply let your guard down.

maybe it’s the spirit of mumbai or the residents of the city which make it so special. how there’s always people around. night or day. at any odd time. It’s a city where you’re never truly alone. yet there’s a sense of peace in it. a peace of mind. people care but just enough. no one crosses the line. they let you be. 

It’s a city which gives you a sense of belongingness. no one is treated like an outsider. everyone eventually finds their purpose here and that’s the beauty of it.

of course, the metro has it’s own charm. if you've ever been on the aqua line during off time, you'd know how eerie it feels. the steep escalators. a wrong turn leading you into a dead end. the loud echoes of the metro car approaching. 

special mention; once when I was on my way home from watching backrooms. I noticed something strange. between the platform and ticketing area, there's a floor where the lift doesn't stop. It looked to be somewhere between abandoned or mid construction. To a very horror-pilled me, it was an ‘immersive’ backrooms experience. 

a visit that left a deep impression on me

one day, I was in line for a free movie showing for an old horror classic “the shining” along with my friend. people were lined up for over an hour to watch it. It’s beautiful to know how people are willing to show up. we were engrossed in our conversation when we were approached by an artsy looking lady who asked if we wanted be in a video. my ever so social friend said yes immediately which I saw coming so I internally prepared myself. It was a learning experience. I was asked basic questions about films while a guy with a professional camera shot us. I was visibly nervous, stuttering my way through answers and taking long pauses. one step closer to getting rid of my fear of being perceived. although, the idea of coming across my own face while scrolling through reels one day… terrifying.

we got through the movie. It was a big theatre, packed to the brim. seats close together with barely any cushioning. my armrest occupied by the fat guy sitting right to me. the crowd was very diverse, such as mumbai is. the movie itself was great, stunning visuals and equally good soundtrack. at one point, there was ringing so loud it was almost deafening.

later, while catching a cab, we were approached by the same people from earlier. the four of us spoke for a bit, and I learned that it’s very easy mingle with like-minded people. one of the them said he worked in arts and his job was to organise events and he’d come from jaipur. I think it’s so lovely that this city gives community to every niche.

I’ve spent a nice day out and it’s time to get home. the only time I’m alone. I’m not someone who enjoys my own company. I’ve got my earphones in, my usual playlist. volume at 40 percent. holding onto the bisleri bottle on my lap, I glance at the display board at every stop while I wait for mine. there’s a kid clinging to my side. It’s overstimulating but tolerable. my stop is here. I get off carefully. practically sprinting my way to the auto stand. I remember being laughed at once because I walk too fast. which I noticed I do when I’m alone. I can’t help it, but I can’t seem to ever relax by myself. I would rather just be at home. 

there’s something exhilarating about being inside an auto rickshaw when it’s dark out, and pouring heavily. splashes of water getting to you. the crispy cold air hitting your skin. in that moment, i feel safe.

i end the day with a quick, warm shower, hurrying to get in bed. obi’s sprawled in the room waiting for me, meows excitedly, gives me one glance over and boom, back to his business. 

most days are not efficient. and that’s okay. i will never beat myself up over it. i’m just happy to be alive and healthy. to all my loved ones, i hope you don’t either. our lives are too precious to be spent in regret or harbouring any negative feelings at all. of course, it’s easier to said than done. small steps, my readers, and even if things don't work out the way you want it to, it’s okay. the only expectations that matter are yours. you can always lower them, adjust it accordingly. if you're tired at the end of the day, you've done enough. 

with love and care,

saba

for good luck 🍀

art & change

good afternoon it's the 4th of june, 12:11 pm currently. I am pondering over what to write in this blog of mine. ever since I took the oath to fill this place with only positivity I think I've become very positive myself! a good change. 

I was going through my gallery and I came across some drawings I did. which I am now going to show to you all. 

sista #1

obi

adhe adhure 4lyferz

apologies to 4lyferz, halfway through the drawing I realized that I had messed up very bad (made my face too tiny oopsies) and that made me lose motivation to keep going. 

I think I should stick to sketching on paper haha.

moving on. life is very difficult. every other person reeks of misogyny and I feel very disturbed by it. sometimes, I sit and think about how challenging life is for us girls. I also feel like the feminism we partake in is not enough and we need to think bigger and better. I wonder if this world might ever change in a way to cater to us. I'm so fed up that I don't believe in equality anymore. equality is nowhere near enough and we shouldn't settle for it. The little jabs you hear on a daily basis is bound to have a profound affect on you. it's just a matter of when and where you snap. 

recently I've been thinking of getting an evil eye necklace. just because I think? I want new jewellery heh.

good things that happened recently: stocked up on self care items, got new cat pj's.

oh and our geezer switch was fixed after two whole months. I didn't see it as a negative thing though. normally, i would've called up the electrician guy myself and have the problem fixed. but this time around, i saw this an opportunity to bring about a necessary change. and it worked! I was able to get rid of my habit of taking scalding hot showers. today, I was happy to bathe in hot water after a long while. it didn't feel as good though, it was weird and it seemed like my body had gotten used to refreshing, cold showers. 

in a way, I believe it's poetic; losing something you believed you couldn't live without and yet, you managed better than you had expected and even when you get it back, you don't want it anymore because it was never a need.

it's 11.21 am on 8th june, monday. I just finished watching divya's vlog, reading khudse and safarnama. it's a routine now. instead of scrolling on instagram or twitter like i used to. i now spend that time reading blogs. a healthy change haha. thank you to my dear 4lyferz. 

my beautiful readers, stay strong and we shall have a beautiful world devoid of hate and everything ugly.

-love, saba

bonus pic:

obi sleeping on my bed

my dream life ?

whenever someone asks me what my dream vacation would be. the same thing comes to mind every single time.

the countryside; because of the slow nature of things and life. it would have to be europe or something, because certainly, I cannot pick some village in u.p (no offense, but the people over there are very close-minded and just judgemental in general)

I don't know much of how life works over there but from what I have seen in movies, it seems like a perfect life.

in a way, my love for the 'countryside' comes from k-dramas.

my favorite k-dramas of all time are: hometown chachacha & my liberation notes. and azure spring! the one I'm watching currently and what inspired me to write this hehe.

they differ vastly in their storylines and the message they want to put across, but the one aspect that remains consistent is the slow, healing life they live. it usually goes like this; when they hit a slump or a burnout in their career in the city, they move back to the countryside where they grew up where they find hope and courage to give life a second chance.

I am a bit obsessed with thought of living such a life. although I'm very used to the convenience of cities and I don't think I could survive there for more than a week. hence, it's a 'dream' life. 

to give a visual of what I imagine:

it's a little unrealistic and maybe even the setting of a horror film. but does this place not make you want to leave everything behind and spend your days basking in the sunlight eating organics you've grown yourself? 

in my fantasy, I'm there with my dearest son obi, and loved ones who wish to join me (4lyferz ko special invitation 🫡)

it would be filled with bugs and unpredictable weather. the closest supply store would be a 30 minute drive away. you hurt yourself? another 30 minutes of driving. but alas the mental peace would make it all worth it.

may we all get to live the life we dream of.

lots of love,

-saba

eid, thoughts & food

eid day! technically it's tomorrow. it's the dawn of 27th which makes it chand raat.

update: it's the 30th. 

I wasn't particularly excited but I had a very nice day so I'm happy. I rewore one of sadia's kurti and lehenga. it was very pretty. i took lots of pictures. even though only a few actually turned out well haha. made a few reels too. one of which was a transition reel I posted on 4lyferz. for someone who makes so many reels my skills are still very..... lackluster. 

I spent a nice eid with my sisters, as always. we went out; ate, had ice-cream, went to the theater to catch a horror film and lastly, had dinner and came home to a hyper-active obi

moving on.

today has been sort of dull and boring. 

I feel down because of this one particular thing and i just wish i had more passion. or maybe wish I was brave. 

I checked up on this company i went to for an interview last year. even made two reels for them. and frankly? found it unempressive. their page has not grown at all. they're still making the same boring content and I'm glad. because they f-ing sucked. 

I've been trying to think about what path is most suited for me lately. I'm not someone who could survive in finance. i feel like it's too fast paced and everyone is just so much smarter than me. anyhow, I'm sure there's something for me and I'm very close to finding it. it's just something that has been weighing heavy on my mind.

something funny (now, but not in the situation) happened yesterday. me and sadia got locked out of the house and we had to call the locksmith. in the process 500 rs was lost but I gained another 500 so maybe it wasn't such a bad experience. 

yesterday, for the first time I made mutton! since we were home alone and I was feeling experimental. it was pretty easy since I'm not a complete noob at cooking.

cooking for me is just throwing things in the cooker and guess what, it usually works out! it was delicious. presenting saba's handmade mutton pulao: 

today morning. I made mutton once again and it was good too hehe.

after two meals, the mutton fatigue hit so we decided to eat jin ramen for dinner.

it was a pretty chill day otherwise. I didn't do a lot besides the usual routine. 

thank you for reading. love you all 🩷

-saba

20.05

about my day

recently, I've learned the power of documentation, or rather, it's preciousness.

it's a bright day. I wake up to the sound of obi gagging right beside me. very typical cat-mom fashion, I have to say. I'm annoyed yet I can't fall back asleep so it's an early morning for me. although 8 isn't very early. my deepest apologies to the true early birds, I haven't seen routine for a while now.

at this very moment, he is on my bed, aggressively cleaning or, licking would be the right word. cat cleaning asmr. very enticing. he's cozily placed and attempting to nap on my bed now. a lovely distinguished gentlemen. shush. he has completely fallen asleep.

I have breakfast, made by the hands of a person I don't like very much. hence, it lacks the love you need for a meal to be fulfilling. regardless, i'm grateful and eat it to the best of my abilities. a little secret but I have trouble finishing my meals. maybe it's my gut that's a little f-ed up. 

every day, i set up little tasks for myself. today, I had to go through notes my friend had sent me. watch a movie, recommended by another friend. spend some time scrolling on one of those investing apps. make a short visit to my stardew farm and say hi to haley (my in-game lover). write on my blog. heh. solve sudoku and win rummikub. stare at obi and make atleast three videos of him sleeping. and um. that's it I guess. 

random thing that brings me joy is when there's cake or ice cream in the fridge. I don't have a strong urge to consume it but just knowing it's there for when I have my little craving outburst is sort of comforting.

sunlight, to me, is subjective. the only time I enjoy it is when I'm taking pictures and I want it to hit at the right angle. but when it's 2 in the afternoon and it's glaring inside my room? horrendous. I want it gone. ms. moon, may you grant us with your presence already? please? 

sometimes, I have flashbacks of terrible smells. hence, I burn the candle. the scent is 'laundry day' which smells exactly like fresh laundry and slightly floral. not my favorite but it's a nice, subtle scent.

although I don't do much throughout the day, atleast nothing mentally or physically taxing, I always end up sleeping at the same time. I'm done with dinner by 8 or 9. i prepare to sleep around 11, and then I'm in bed all cozied up. I don't fall aleep until a little past midnight, though.

I want to end with a small note; I don't believe in making wishes or hoping, because ultimately we are all doomed. but peopleeeeeee. are so important. every person in my life is a good person and they make me very happy! I find joy in random ways and you have certainly given me purpose in some way or the other. so thank you. that's all for the sappiness. I shall see you next time. 

thank you for reading.

-boogey, or saba, I like both.

having two mummas, a blessing or a curse?

(written from obi's perspective)

today, i'm here to report my findings.

so....  I have two mummas.

i realized it when i was asleep! i was picked up by mumma... lets call her mumma 2 then she put me back on the chair only for me to be picked again. this time, by mumma 1.

mumma 1.... is my main mumma Because she feeds me! her name is ummmm saba appi? that's what I've heard mumma 2 call her! I'm quite positive mumma 2 goes by the name sadia! 

anyway, enough about their names. let's get into how they treat me 😼

mumma 2 (sadia)

she manhandles me!!!!!!!!!! she has no respect for me!!!!!! she hates me!!!!!!! she makes fun of me!!!!! she takes hideous pictures of me!!!!!

she took me in from a miserable place and gave me a new home... my forever home. 

she also plays with me hehehhehw

mumma 1 (saba)

she is who I go to when I'm hungry!! um she is very nice to me I think ?

she does horrible things to me like.... holding me hostage in her lap, aggressively wiping my face and shaving my gorgeous fur off! she calls it grooming and it's a terrible thing. All cats should beware!

she pets me very nicely. she never over does it. she is the best petter I know! 

- 

this is a secret but I have another mumma... she's the oldest and I've heard they are all sisters. I'm not sure what it means. 

I don’t see her much but she is very sweet to me!

enough about mummas!!!! lets talk about ME. I AM. THE MAIN CHARACTER. 

-

hello to the peeps reading. I am obi. 

nicknames: laddu. sunshine. poko. and a hundred more. how do i know it's me she's calling? the trick is to learn to distinguish between all the mummas voices! and the tone! she speaks to me in her soft gooey voice since I'm her cutie son hehe.

my favorite slwwping spot is mumma's desk chair. it is also the best scratching spot! I have destroyed 70% of it. when i stand on top of it, I feel like simba muahahhaha.

mumma calls me a greedy boy when I go to eat from her plate. but she says sharing is caring? mumma's kind are confusing. 

my favorite hobby is bird watching! birds get so scared when i look at them with my predator eyes! I must be so scary and intimidating! poor birdies... who don't stand a chance against a Tough Man like me.

my favorite poopoo time is 4 am! peepee time is any time but poopoo time comes only once a day. that's how the digestive system works. of course I know big words! I'm a smart cat although mumma says I'm stupidly cute 😾

that is all! I shall come back with more findings.

signing off,

obi.

p.s.

proof of mumma torturing me

ode to 4lyferz

today's post is dedicated to my dear friends who have single-handedly pushed me to log on to my blog again.

kya likhungi? wo to nai pta.

let's relive college.

first day: 

koi kuch idea nhi kaise mai college pohach gyi. 

7.30 am ki class me mai entry li 9.00 am. great start. 

ek seat khali mil gyi. tried talking to the girl beside me but wo phone me busy thi. gave up.

jaise hi class khatam hui, mai bhaag nikli. auto pakad ke train then by 12.00 ghar thi.

first few days aise hi nikal gye. dost banane ki koshish ki but koi dhang ka mila nai. fir maine soch liya ki college to ab mujhe akele nikalna padega. depression. 

fast forward to the end of first semester and guess what? mere friends ban gye the. kisne socha hoga.

us din ko 4 saal hogye hai and we are as tight as ever and in fact we're only getting closer.

maine apne lifetime me bohot schools switch kiye hai and also experienced all kinds of friend groups. but aise kinda of friendship pehli baar bani. genuine is the word. 

4lyferz, we call ourselves.

the name was, of course, my idea (haha). not very original. but it has stuck in a way that it now feels original. to us.

it started with a joint instagram account where we posted our group pictures, which then expanded into reels and became our brand from that point on.

the aspect of our friend-group that i genuinely treasure is how, we, each play our roles very well. not that there's anything assigned. obviously haha. we're chill people!

our peace lies in harmony. which i've learned is the very important in friendship and, yet, gets overlooked too often. and then they wonder where everything went wrong. sigh. 

allow me to introduce: 4lyferz

tagline: ..... um we don't have one :(

members, in alphabetical order: Aashija, Divya, Saba (me), Shreya.

description:

Aashija

she's passionate. about quite literally everything and anything. which is the complete opposite of me so she inspires me a lot. yes-man. i could ask her for anything and she always gets it done. i believe she treasures our friendship and keeps it alive in her own way. she expresses her feelings very well, be it through words or actions.

Divya

very high eq. she is definitely the most emotionally intelligent among us. she handles any/every almost argument or fight we've had with maturity and in a calm manner. i felt like i could learn from it. if there was a 'mom of the group' it would be her. she's kind and always pushes us to do our best. 

Saba

ahhhhh ummmmm well i'm not writing a love letter to myself!

Shreya

the pillar. i always felt like i could tell her things without any judgement. she's selfless. she works hard in silence and sometimes even struggles by herself. yet, she always offers her help whenever we need it. personality-wise i think we might be the closest. hence, i've always felt a connection with her. 

that's all, my friends, signing off.

-1/4th of 4lyferz