an outing

a few days ago, I was getting back from sobo and my options were the metro or train.

9 pm on a sunday. typically I'd pick the metro since it's safer, emptier, and bonus, it's air-conditioned.

the mumbai local is an unpredictable place. you never know when you’re going to see a sight that warms your heart or be involved in a deeply horrible incident which may scar you for life.

but, somehow when I'm feeling down or in a not-so-ideal mood, it's the railway station that brings me comfort. the ladies’ dabba in particular. a space where you can simply let your guard down.

maybe it’s the spirit of mumbai or the residents of the city which make it so special. how there’s always people around. night or day. at any odd time. It’s a city where you’re never truly alone. yet there’s a sense of peace in it. a peace of mind. people care but just enough. no one crosses the line. they let you be. 

It’s a city which gives you a sense of belongingness. no one is treated like an outsider. everyone eventually finds their purpose here and that’s the beauty of it.

of course, the metro has it’s own charm. if you've ever been on the aqua line during off time, you'd know how eerie it feels. the steep escalators. a wrong turn leading you into a dead end. the loud echoes of the metro car approaching. 

special mention; once when I was on my way home from watching backrooms. I noticed something strange. between the platform and ticketing area, there's a floor where the lift doesn't stop. It looked to be somewhere between abandoned or mid construction. To a very horror-pilled me, it was an ‘immersive’ backrooms experience. 

a visit that left a deep impression on me

one day, I was in line for a free movie showing for an old horror classic “the shining” along with my friend. people were lined up for over an hour to watch it. It’s beautiful to know how people are willing to show up. we were engrossed in our conversation when we were approached by an artsy looking lady who asked if we wanted be in a video. my ever so social friend said yes immediately which I saw coming so I internally prepared myself. It was a learning experience. I was asked basic questions about films while a guy with a professional camera shot us. I was visibly nervous, stuttering my way through answers and taking long pauses. one step closer to getting rid of my fear of being perceived. although, the idea of coming across my own face while scrolling through reels one day… terrifying.

we got through the movie. It was a big theatre, packed to the brim. seats close together with barely any cushioning. my armrest occupied by the fat guy sitting right to me. the crowd was very diverse, such as mumbai is. the movie itself was great, stunning visuals and equally good soundtrack. at one point, there was ringing so loud it was almost deafening.

later, while catching a cab, we were approached by the same people from earlier. the four of us spoke for a bit, and I learned that it’s very easy mingle with like-minded people. one of the them said he worked in arts and his job was to organise events and he’d come from jaipur. I think it’s so lovely that this city gives community to every niche.

I’ve spent a nice day out and it’s time to get home. the only time I’m alone. I’m not someone who enjoys my own company. I’ve got my earphones in, my usual playlist. volume at 40 percent. holding onto the bisleri bottle on my lap, I glance at the display board at every stop while I wait for mine. there’s a kid clinging to my side. It’s overstimulating but tolerable. my stop is here. I get off carefully. practically sprinting my way to the auto stand. I remember being laughed at once because I walk too fast. which I noticed I do when I’m alone. I can’t help it, but I can’t seem to ever relax by myself. I would rather just be at home. 

there’s something exhilarating about being inside an auto rickshaw when it’s dark out, and pouring heavily. splashes of water getting to you. the crispy cold air hitting your skin. in that moment, i feel safe.

i end the day with a quick, warm shower, hurrying to get in bed. obi’s sprawled in the room waiting for me, meows excitedly, gives me one glance over and boom, back to his business. 

most days are not efficient. and that’s okay. i will never beat myself up over it. i’m just happy to be alive and healthy. to all my loved ones, i hope you don’t either. our lives are too precious to be spent in regret or harbouring any negative feelings at all. of course, it’s easier to said than done. small steps, my readers, and even if things don't work out the way you want it to, it’s okay. the only expectations that matter are yours. you can always lower them, adjust it accordingly. if you're tired at the end of the day, you've done enough. 

with love and care,

saba

for good luck 🍀